Groundhog Day

The groundhog Punxsutawney Phil, seer of seers, prognosticators of prognosticators, awoke yesterday morning to say to that he had indeed seen his shadow and thus winter would continue. However, Punxsutawney Phil had more than just the weather to address; he continued: "I did indeed see my shadow, but oddly enough, I did not see the shadow of a much, much, MUCH larger human. For some reason he didn't cast a shadow. So for him I see no more winter of discontent, but only the springtime of growth and health".

Thanks Double P. Thanks for having faith in me and thanks for inspiring one of the all time great Bill Murray movies.

As you may have guessed from my absence from my blog and from the community, I have struggled the last 10 days or so. But you know what? It was not at all the near chaos I've experienced in the past. I only binged once and still exercised 4 times. Still I was fairly mindless in my day-to-day and my actions, my eating, my workouts, and my overall emotional and physical health suffered for it.

But, that was last week. Now?

Onward and upward baby.

So, here, as I do every year (note: not true in the slightest), are my:

Post-Groundhog Day Resolutions

1. No cheese and no mayo or mayo based sauces (lite or otherwise) for the next year - Inspired by Fried Jeff's cutting hamburgers out of his life, and by Zeus Meatball's saying no to Ben and Jerry's for a full year, I have decided to cut a couple things out of my diet too.

I realized yesterday that cheese and mayo are at that heart of almost all the food I crave and binge on. Cheese on pizza, cheeseburgers, sandwiches, on fries, in burritos, quesadillas, nachos, etc. Mayo on burgers, sandwiches, dipping fries and pizza crust in mayo based sauces, putting chipotle mayo or creamy pepper jack sauce on Mexican food, etc. As it turns out, I'm not so excited about binging on 5 hamburgers plain with ketchup. Not so much.

So, as I no longer have an qualms about doing whatever it takes to prevail in this battle, I say, why the hell not?

I think there is joy and peace to be mined from such a decision. The joy to be found in every single time I say no, and the peace to be found in the burden of my desires for those foods being lifted from my shoulders. Just thinking about it makes me feel like a weight has been lifted. I simply won't eat those things again.

So for now, I'll say this: the next time I'll eat cheese or mayo (or mayo based sauces) will be February 2nd, 2010.

2. Okay, actually, that was the only one.

Now, moving forward, the overall plan continues. One day at a time. I'm going to continue kicking ass, continue working out, continue increasing my awareness, continue eating right, continue fighting this fight.

I'm never going to stop. Because the rewards that this process PROMISES me, and us all, are too fucking amazing to give up on.

Like many people who struggle with any of a myriad of issues, I find life much easier living it in the extremes. Sure its easy to binge and do nothing all day, but its also a lot easier to be super strict about food and almost starve myself and workout 2 hours. What's hard is accepting a moderate day of moderate success and consistent measured effort.

But I think I've found a way to, in a healthy way for once, be extreme while making steady progress:

Never stop. I'm just never going to stop being healthy. I will lose all this weight eventually, and I will keep it off forever. Because, people who keep the weight off and people who never gain it share one thing in common: they eat pretty healthy and they exercise often, and they do those things forever.

I love being able to throw myself as hard as I want into that mindset. It makes the day-to-day journey easier. And it's great because I'm in a so much healthier place mentally than I was, I'm able to recognize the failures that do and will happen in this journey, and yet feel great about it all.

It's all good.

It's all part of the process.

And as long as I keep going I will continue to get healthy, and grow, and change, and mature, and learn, and experience, and just LIVE. Live life to the fullest. Live a rich, evolving life.

After all, I am no longer living life the same way again and again. Being stuck in the same terrible, frustrating existence day after day. Reliving the same failures over and over.

Groundhog Day for me is over.