Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Looking Back and Moving Forward

2008 was the hardest year of my life.

What happened...

I started it at probably around 530 lbs.

I lived alone and binged nightly on food and drink.

I bought my nicest car yet ('04 Toyota Sequoia).

In March I started isolating and turning off my cell and bingeing. I got up to 580.

In March my boss got pissed at not being able to get a hold of me and my general falling apart, and he talked about firing me.

I got so depressed after that, my father flew in to town that day to see me. We talked and decided I would check myself into a non-residential, but highly hands-on treatment center for food issues, etc.

In June I returned from treatment, 70 lbs less, full of insights, and extreme confidence.

Returning to my daily life proved much more challenging that I thought and I started gaining weight.

In September I decided I needed more hands on support and so my girlfriend and I agreed we'd move in together. I moved in with her Seattle.

Shortly thereafter all of my issues (they all affect my eating, but also lots of other areas of my life) proved to be too challenging, and too big of a risk I felt, to continue the arrangement.

I moved to Idaho to live with my sister and her family, for support, while I tried to gain some traction with my weight, etc.

Depression from the failure in Seattle contributed to a largely unabated 3 months of bingeing and complete numbness.

I officially weighed in at more than 600 lbs: 618

In late December I started this blog, started working out, and starting eating better.

I lost 4 pounds.


I am so happy I started making changes organically, prior to 1/1, instead of making "resolutions" once New Years rolled around. I feel much more realistically poised for a successful 2009 as a result. And regarding 2009...

My main goal for 2009 is to lose 250 pounds.

For now, I'm just going to focus on the next 90 days:
1) Workout (strength and/or cardio) at least 4 days a week
2) Blog at least 4 days a week
3) Drink 6 liters of water daily
4) Get at least 1 counseling session weekly
4) Lose 32 pounds Feb 1
5) Lose another 24 pounds by March 1
6) Lose another 16 pounds by April 1

I believe this year is my greatest opportunity yet to become a healthier person: mentally, emotionally, and Physically.

I will make this my best year ever, and I will do it by working hard, giving myself grace and love, living in the moment, taking it one day at a time, and never giving up.


Good luck to us all! Happy New Year!


  1. Happy New Year!! I'm so excited to see your success in the coming days, weeks and months ahead. You are, always have been, and always will be amazing. Whenever you need support, I'm here for you. You can do this. You can TOTALLY do this. (BTW - I think your weight loss goals for the next 90 days are PERFECT!! Super doable, and super healthy - good for you!)

  2. I wish you the best of luck.

  3. Happy New Year!!!
    I'll be right here with you!
    I love what you said about having made changes organically. A continuation.

    I've isolated myself from people & life, too.
    I've also felt the worst of the worst. I just want you to know you're not alone in this. And if you ever find yourself feeling like that again, PLEASE reach out to us, OK?

    I'm excited for you! I want to see you succeed!
    Now go kick some ass!

  4. Thanks for the recap, I just did that too on my blog. I agree with Karen, please reach out if you start feeling that way again!

    Never give up is my little saying too. We all stumble and fall, but we must get back up and keep moving forward.

    You can do this. I have faith in you!

  5. You have a great plan for the new year. I really like what you wrote here: "I believe this year is my greatest opportunity yet to become a healthier person: mentally, emotionally, and Physically.
    I will make this my best year ever, and I will do it by working hard, giving myself grace and love, living in the moment, taking it one day at a time, and never giving up.

    AMEN TO THAT! You are not alone. Let's do this.

  6. I read somewhere they you can't change your beginning but you can rewrite your ending. 2008 was the beginning you can't change, but the bright open future is ready for your story! Get excited. Stay with us. Stay focused on your victories. Stay with us. Never give up on yourself. Stay with us. (I kind of think that staying connected is going to be one of the major ways we ALL do this stuff this year!) Mega hugs! Dani

  7. Grabbing ahold of motivation, no matter when it strikes, is always the key thing in getting a good start. I am glad you decided to act when that motivation struck you instead of waiting for a magic date.

    You've gotten a good running start and I think your goals are doable and very realistic. We can't lose hundreds of pounds overnight. We can take each day as they come.

    2009 should be most awesome! :)

  8. It's all in the starting and you're well under way. Just keep saying to yourself "I Can do it" "I will do it" "Consider it done". It really is just about keep getting up when you fall. Eventually the falls will get less and the distances longer. You're doing good. Self love that's what it's all about.

  9. Hey! Thank you for sharing. You story really touched me. Food issues, binging, self hate, mental torment. I know them all too.

    I'm really glad that you have this blog and we can all support each other. Good days and more importantly through the bad.


  10. State of Change!! Sorry, I know your a guy.. I've been on your blog tons of times.. so yours should be Handsome award instead! sorry!

  11. It might have been a tough year but you did some courageous, brave shit. I know it because I was there for some of it mutherfuker! You have been a supportive friend and I am so excited that you did the blog thing. I think this year will only get better- really. You seem like you have traveled to a calmer, less extreme place where you can comfortably change yourself forever!

    Remember the funniest car ride ever? When that guy rode all the way back to TFC from the movies with his head sticking out the sunroof!? Man he was crazy but that was one of the funniest situations I have even been in... It was in my top ten funny situations where I laughed until I almost peed...

  12. Thank you for your very honest post. I agree with all the above commenters about how we're all here for one another when we stumble. Here's to more good days ahead.

  13. The next 90 days is a pretty good goal to go with. I think you've got some pretty good metrics to use, but I also noticed that there's nothing there about your food and nutrition.

    From reading the blog here, you've made mention that the binging and isolating and overeating has been the #1 cause of the 618 pounds. I'd highly, highly suggest (no, demand!) gameplanning something with your food intake as well.

  14. Good luck mate! I'm particularly encouraged by your mention of getting counseling. For me, that was a huge part in my success over 2008.

    If it were me, I wouldn't put timed weight goals, but if they work for you and give you inspiration, then that's all good :)

    2009... time to shine!

  15. We can use our past to learn from but don't need to repeat our mistakes. Remember where you've came from so you won't repeat those mistakes and focus on the NEW YOU! I love your attitude. You're GOING TO DO THIS! We'll all do it together!

  16. WOW, thanks for your comment on my post. I just wanted to let you know that it meant a lot to me. I'm glad I could inspire you in one little way. You too are a huge inspiration and there is a healthier us (mentally and physically) waiting inside!
    We'll bring it out little by little.

  17. happy new year! to start fresh and find your new self... that's my plan too. i hope 2009 surpasses your expectations.

  18. I think your goals sound very realistic but the most important one is this:

    "I will make this my best year ever, and I will do it by working hard, giving myself grace and love, living in the moment, taking it one day at a time, and never giving up"

    Focus on those words of yours and the rest will be much easier.

  19. Does that work for you to preplan the weight loss? That never works for me and usually just makes me feel bad; even if I succeed but not to the plan. I know the science and what works. . .that 3500 calories equals a pound. . . blah blah blah, but my body doesn't seem to work that scientifically specifically. It helps me more to focus on each minute of success and know that poundage success will follow. I'm talking small succcess. . . get up, get dressed, excercise, eat a reasonable breakfast--4 successes down. . you get the picture.

  20. May you rest in peace............I have posted your obituary so others may know that we lost you to death, but you will live in the hearts of so many

    Garrett Kelly
    Garrett E. Kelly, 28, Pocatello, passed away, Saturday, August 28, 2010.
    Memorial services will be held Saturday, September 4, 2010 at 3 pm in the Valley View LDS Ward, 1433 Gwen Dr., Pocatello. The family will receive friends one hour prior to services in the church.
    Arrangements are under the direction of the Cornelison Funeral Home, 431 N. 15th Ave., Pocatello. Online guest book and condolences available at