Thursday, December 18, 2008

The Nightmare Before Christmas

Full Size ATV

Adult Black Bear

European Hybrid Car

Huge Marijuana Stash
Massive Stone Head

Novelty Size Country Fair Pot of Jambalaya

Baby Elephant

What do all the things in the above pictures have to do with me? They all weigh roughly the same amount I do. Over 600 pounds.
Holy Shit. That is terrifying.

I guess these blogs are supposed to be motivating to others and I know mine will be, but not now, and probably not until I have lost a significant amount of weight. After all, when you need motivation in keeping your house a little tidier than you normally do, there's no motivation to be found in the news story about the shut-in with garbage stacked 6 feet high in their house getting rid of half a foot of that garbage.

Oh well. This is for me I suppose, so in that interest I am posting my real honest to God weight on here today despite my intense urge not to. 618 pounds. What a nightmare.

I had a feeling I was in the range I'm in, but Denial is a POWERFUL thang, and I'm an expert. I'm like a fucking denial ninja. I sneak inside my head, remove the depressing realities of my situation and poof, vanish.

Anyway, it sucks, soooo much, but I am in this for the long run. I want real, long-term, sustained change in my life, and I am going to fight for it. So, I'll start by taking this brutal beginning point and using it as a catalyst for a kick ass first official week.

*Bonus Game: Try and guess how much weight I'll lose this upcoming Christmas week. Whoever has the closest guess wins both the whole jar of jelly beans, and a Stages of Change windbreaker! Good luck everybody!!


  1. You're far too hard on yourself. The weight is only a small part of who you really are. I'm right there struggling along side you - so one day at a time. One pound at a time.

    Great posts by the way. I'm so jealous you know how to play piano. Always wanted to!

  2. This is an amazingly honest post. I am proud that you came out with the numbers. I agree that the number is a small part of the whole picture. You are so much more than your weight or food.

    I want to hear more, everyday. Impatient much??

    Have I ever told you the story of SSSSSSSKIDDLYDOOOO?! There once was a doctor who had an affinity for pygmy goats. The doctor also had a sidekick named Mike... and they produced movies while wearing capes that had pockets for crest whitestrips....

    HAHA! I miss TFC sometimes but really only because we all had so much fun.

  3. Thank you for bearing your soul for the whole world to see. This takes a lot of courage, because while you are trying to let people know who you are, sometimes YOU find out who you are!

    Good luck on your journey. I look forward to reading more about it.!

  4. You have an amazing sense of humor & determination... the only thing you are lacking is the right perspective. You are so much more than a number on a scale and don't you forget it!! (bossy tonight aren't I? :) )Your weight does not define you. We are all in this together (and we all have similar problems)!

  5. Bravo for being so completely honest in where you are at this moment in time. That sort of honesty will make denial impossible because you've done the hardest thing ever - admit it to yourself.

  6. You CAN do it! Have you looked into a 12 step program for food addiction? That is what I've been doing and it's really made a big difference in my life! The best of luck to you! I'll be checking back regularly.

  7. You said that denial is a powerful thing but your honesty today is something much more powerful. It's powerful to me, anyone else who reads this blog but mostly to you.

    Well done! I cannot wait to see where 2009 will take us!

  8. I'm here cheering you on! I agree with other posters that being accountable here on your blog with your honesty is a step in the right direction.

  9. Even though you said your blog with motivate others...but not yet...not until you've made progress or lost weight. I hate (actually I love) to say it but you're likely wrong about that. Taking the step, making the decision, putting yourself out there with the good and bad has a way of inspiring those who'll come here to read your words. Never underestimate the impact your journey will make on others who are this journey as well! (((HUGS))) Dani

  10. such a brutally honest powerful post. raw and fraught with realization.

    you can do this and have taken the most difficult, IMO, first step of laying it all out there.

  11. Heya man, thanks for the comment on my own weight loss blog!

    I want to give you some props and encouragement because of your post, but I may take the opposite approach than what you've been getting so far (no offense, girls!)

    That's really awesome that you've gone public with your weight and are owning up to the reality that you weigh as much as you do.

    I particularly find resonance with your this: "I am in this for the long run. I want real, long-term, sustained change in my life, and I am going to fight for it."

    Hell yeah, man. That's awesome, and that's exactly what it's got to be. A knock down, drag out, too tired to go own but you have to, to the death (quite literally) fight.

    I agree 100% with the folks who have said you are more than your weight - they are spot on! BUT the fact is that when other people who don't know us (or know us well) see us, they only see our weight.

    That sucks. That really sucks.

    But that's how it is, and I don't want to be - and don't want to be seen as - the lazy, giant fat ass the rest of my life. And it sounds like you don't either.

    And more than inspiring people (although that's oddly happening somewhat now that I've lost more than 125 pounds so far - with a ton left to go, though), the blogging has been a huge help and accountability tool for me in my own weight loss efforts.

    Let's start this week - and your weight loss journey - with some hard work and honesty.

    Fuck being 618.

  12. this post is an inspiration in itself....glad to have you join the ranks of "weight loss bloggers".

    I'll look forward to both your posts and your comments!

  13. I linked to your site, scanned through the poem, and knew I wanted to start at the beginning of your story.

    I haven't read the poem yet. . .I'm going in order.

    I could tell from the scan that you are a bit down. But I am amazed and proud of you (taking the risk that someone saying they are proud of you won't irritate you or make you feel demeaned).

    You are right. We can't give up.