This week I lost weight. I've probably lost weight a week or two since I gave up my last real push towards health in February, but this week I'm sure I have and I know the number. I weighed last week and I weighed today.
I lost 20 pounds and that feels good. However, I have gained so much weight prior to this week, I still feel disheartened.
However, this I've learned: I don't need to spend any more time thinking about how heavy I am and how much that sucks, so, I won't.
I also don't feel like, or more importantly, don't see any benefit in, thinking how awesome the 20 pounds is, and how I'm like, totally back on track now.
I'm trying to think of what I should write. What would help me right now? I don't know, wow, this is very stream of consciousness.
Okay, I'm going to write a list of reasons why I want to keep losing weight to remind myself of reasons to keep the momentum going:
1) I want to - side note: these are likely to be worn goals or whatever, and everybody does this, but meh, I don't care - I want to go out in the world and not have my first impression automatically be: "Fat guy".
2) I'd love to buy clothes from anywhere other than a big and tall store. Actually, I'm so big now, the clothes there do not fit me, so even clothes from a B&T would be a start.
3) I want to go out and not see kids overtly laugh, point, and make loud statements to anyone in the vicinity in stores, etc.
4) I want to ride in one plane seat.
5) I want to not worry about breaking seating no matter where I go.
6) I want to be able to wear a suit and enjoy it.
7) I want to be a holistically healthy person who has largely conquered their issues, and I know if I lose this weight and keep it off, it will be because I have accomplished that.
I'll write more on this at some point when I have more time; I have always wanted this sort of a list around just as something to look at now and then as inspiration.
One last thing, a start to a list of things I'm grateful for:
1) This blog
2) This blogging community.
3) My family
4) My health
5) My friends
6) All the support I have from so many sources
7) The ability to change
8) Humility
9) Sufjan Steven's "Illinois" album
Good luck to all, one day at a time.
You'll reach those goals! One step at a time and you will get there!
ReplyDeleteI am so happy you're back!
ReplyDeleteYou have always held a spot in my heart since I first "met" you last year.
You're are a gem, SoF. <3
You can do it! One day at a time, your goals will come true!
ReplyDeleteNo reason to look back. . . can't get there. So just keep looking forward and making choices that will still feel good 10 minutes later.
ReplyDeleteGood luck back to ya.
I got here from Karen and look forward to getting to know you.
ReplyDeleteStrong post and a good list...moment to moment, one day at a time.
ReplyDelete20 pounds?!?!?! Rock on buddy! You truly are an inspiration. I love your writing and am so glad you are back on track.
ReplyDeleteYou'll be shopping in those stores in no time!
So glad you are back. I understand a lot of what you are saying here. Buying clothes in a regular store, not breaking chairs, etc. I really like your attitude in this blog. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteAlways glad when you some back. You are "always" missed. Moment by moment, day by day, week by week. Off to a great start!
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Mary Beth
Great post and hell yeah to Sufjan! I know that sometimes when all else fails, great music is the inspiration to keep me going. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteGlad you're back. I've missed your writing. Hang in there, buddy. That's a great list of reasons to keep truckin'.
ReplyDeleteyes to sufjan! i lean on his music too. *hug*
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about yesterday just think about today!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to see you back :)
The past is such heavy baggage. Let it go. You'll feel lighter. :)
ReplyDeleteI had a lot of starts, and finally got to the stopping point. You can do it!
ReplyDeleteI share a lot of those goals man. Even accomplished a couple of them, but number 7 is the most important. That's the real journey, that's the real challenge. It's entirely possible, though. You can totally do it.
ReplyDeletePersevere.
Got here from Karen's blog also. You have some great goals, and sounds like you have a great heart too. Wishing you all the best!!
ReplyDeleteGotta love Karen, she sure knows how to spread the love.
ReplyDeleteI wanted to come by and wish you the best. I know what's it like to start over... as a matter of fact I have been stuck not moving forward since December.
Sounds like you have a great outlook and wonderful goals to help you get there. :)
So glad to see oyu back working at it! Tell you what, it's a whole new life out there when the weight comes off. Not ALL the weight, either, just a good chunk of it. Sometimes that's what I gotta focus on. Not numbers, but the life I get by being healthier. Cheering you on!
ReplyDeleteYou can do all these things.. it will come! Love your blog!
ReplyDeleteGreat list!! I'm with all the others, coming from Karen's blog. We are all cheering you on!
ReplyDeleteI was just listening to Sufjan's illinois album in the car this morning. Great stuff, and a great list.
ReplyDeleteI'm here from Fitcetera and she was right to refer people over.
ReplyDeleteVery sweet, sad post (at least the way I interpreted.) I used to way a ton. (not quite but at the time it felt like it.)
Now for the crap -- Take it one day at a time. Don't let food dictate your health. You have to be stronger than all those compulsions. I thought I was powerful when I was big and fat. Don't mess with me etc. There is a lot more power in being physically fit then the power of girth. Sometimes we gotta girth it up before we figure that out.
Go! Go! Go! You can do it!
ReplyDeleteWelcome back. Looking forward to reading more of your journey.
ReplyDeleteI just found this blog, and apparently, with good timing. Its a battle, but its one you are destined to win and will win...you are stronger than you think, because you aren't quitting. I look forward to fighting the fight right along side of you!
ReplyDelete