Friday, January 23, 2009

Getting Better All the Time: Weekly Review & Planning

My Goals for the last week are listed below, with comments on how I actually did in red:

1) Drink 6 liters of water daily - Didn't accomplish all 7 days, but did manage for 5.

2) Do at least 1/2 hour of cardio (the class, walks, aerobics at home, etc) at least 5 days - Didn't accomplish; only did cardio twice: once for 60 mins on Wednesday (best workout yet btw), and 45 mins on Thursday.

3) Work out with weights at home at least 2 times. - Didn't accomplish, but did do 30 wall push-ups twice.

4) Measure the cereal servings I'm putting in the big bowl I eat every morning - Didn't accomplish at all.

5) No Binges - Did not accomplish. Binged 4 times.

6) Write at least 4 posts on this blog - Did not accomplish, only wrote 2.

7) In the interest of continuing to increase awareness in all areas of my life, expand my list of goals for 2009 to include a variety of areas and subjects. And keep them in an area where I can review them frequently - Did not accomplish at all.

I did lose 8 pounds this week.

That feels good, not amazing, but damn good. It doesn't feel amazing because I know that the only reason that was possible is because I got so sick with food poisoning on Tuesday that it countered the 4 binge meals I'd eaten in the day previous.

However, it does feel good. I didn't eat anything too bad Fri, Sat, and until the late night binge, Sunday either. And I ate GREAT Wednesday and Thursday, had one of the best cardio workouts I've had in the last few years on Wednesday, and worked out well yesterday too.

Actually, I thought I might not weigh myself this week because I figured that with of the all binging and sickness, and honestly, the fact I had doused 2 1/2 huge bowls of salad in soy sauce last night, which, while low sodium, still ended up being SO much salt, and the fact that the only scale in the immediate area that can weigh me is at a retirement home 15 minutes across town, I thought meh, I'll do it next week. But, as I was getting ready this morning I started noticing that I felt and could almost see that I had lost a little weight, so I thought, what the hell, guess I'll do it.

Glad I did.

Okay, now, looking ahead. Below are my goals for the next week

1) Drink 6 liters of water daily.

2) Do at least 1/2 hour of cardio (the class, walks, aerobics at home, etc) at least 5 days.

3) Do at least 30 wall push-ups at least 5 days

4) Measure my morning cereal to be aware of how many servings I'm eating.

5) No binges

6) Write at least 4 posts on this blog

7) Create a new section or subsection on this blog for other broader goals for 2009.

8) Begin process of creating in a binder an organized catalogue of the therapeutic experiences, notes, quotes, hand-outs, stories, letters, etc, that I've collected in the last year

Well, what can I say, I feel amazingly good about being able to come back from the hellish spiral of binging. And it feels great to have done that through the healthy means of drawing on support, reading positive things, opening up honestly to others, participating in healthy guilt, giving myself grace, getting in touch with reality and with my goals in this process, and consciously making choices that have me now RIGHT back on track with momentum, motivation, awareness, and tenacity.

I am for some reason reminded of something a therapist said to me during an experience last spring: You will get out of this what you put in.

I love that. I know that in its broad application that concept is common knowledge, but like so many common knowledge/common sense things, so many obvious pearls of wisdom - just because we've heard them or agree with them doesn't mean we don't act in contrary ways to those principles sometimes, or even often.

You see people actively contradict that wisdom frequently: in the person who approaches a mental health professional with an attitude of: "You're so smart? We'll see. Figure me out then, tell me how I work", or in the person hiring a personal trainer: "I am so out of shape. I need you to make me lose weight", or even in a minority of the electorate right now: "Alright, go ahead...fix America. Fix it. Pay my mortgage."

You want some emotional healing? Give yourself over to the process. Be honest, be humble, be open, be introspective, think hard, give yourself time, be willing to really listen to other ideas and thoughts.

You want a great America? Love your family, support your friends, be kind to strangers, work hard and enjoy life, help the less fortunate, practice rigorous integrity.

You want to lose weight and become healthy? Recognize there may be more at the root of your issues than the fat - do something about that. Eat right - whatever you can do. Exercise - however much you can. Be good to yourself, give yourself grace and love, don't shoot for a perfect ideal, don't lose hope when you fail, pick yourself up and move on.

"You will get out of this what you put in" - a lesson I have spent most of my life knowing, but not actively trying to live by.

I am far from there still, as with most positive things I'm trying to incorporate in my life.

But now, more and more, I choose to keep trying to live by those words.

I am, every day, in very little ways, trying to put in to this process, these experiences, this life, what I want to get out.

Aaaaaaaaaaaand, on to the next...


  1. Sounds like even though you had some things not go just right this week you kept moving forward with a positive attitude which I think is the most important thing. Way to go on losing 8 lbs, that's great. I look forward to 4 posts this week too *smile*.

  2. Just wanted to tell you that I found your blog the other day and have been reading it and enjoying your honesty and insights as you write. There's a rather odd story to how I came to be reading this blog, since I'm not a weight-loss blogger myself, and I'd tell it to you if you had an email link but I won't take up space in your comments to explain. But anyway, you're an interesting writer and sound like an interesting person and I wish you success on your journey. I like the way you talked about getting out of things what you put into them, and also what you said about giving yourself grace. I'm a big fan of grace, towards ourselves and others, in every area of life. Thanks.

  3. The food poisoning diet! Brilliant!

    Seriously, though, that binge was frightening and I'm glad you locked it down, realized the trigger, and moved on. That was brave of you to share it. I've only just now started to realize just what kind of testicular fortitude it takes to own up to the accountability of our readers, especially when admitting we've slipped..

  4. 8 pounds! That's 24 sticks of butter!! WOO HOO!!!

    Progress, not perfection. You are obviously putting a lot into it right now and it seems like it's showing in more than just weight loss. Awareness... choices... You're doing great!


  5. give yourself over to the process.

    I hadnt heard that before and like it as well.
    I really admire your honesty. with us, sure, but more with yourself.

  6. You really are doing something wonderful for yourself, and you're doing a LOT of things right. I enjoy reading about your journey and it will be so thrilling to see you as you reach new milestones that bring you more and more freedom. I'm so happy for you, doing this for yourself!

  7. An eight pound loss is fantastic. I know you had a rough week, but you had a loss and some positive things come out of it. Live and learn, right? :-)

    Have a great weekend!

  8. Your title of this post sums it up. It's a process with hiccups along the way (unfortunately). I'm glad we're both traveling this road (even with the ups and downs).

  9. Glad you picked yourself up & dusted yourself off. Another trite saying I suppose but something we may well be doing a few times during our trip down the road.

  10. Hooray for the loss!

    Even better - you picked yourself up, dusted yourself off, and you are keeping on the road! You are making great changes in your life!

  11. Amazing weight loss and amazing progress in your personal journey. I'm so happy for you.

  12. Yes the road will have bumps, but the fact that you picked yourself up and kept going instead of giving up shows how much strength you have! Congrats on the loss this week, no matter how you got it.

  13. Well done on what you accomplished this week. I really liked your insights... I agree with you completely. WE make the difference. WE determine the outcome and the circumstances.

    One thing though, when you make "No Binges" a goal, you're not actually addressing the issues, you're just depriving yourself of a coping mechanism, which can never work in the long run. A good goal would be to say "Find alternative means of coping with stress/boredom/self-doubt/self-hatred/bloody-mindedness (all the reasons I used to binge), so that I don't have to binge." So instead of fighting the urge to binge, a fight you lose 9/10 times, you're addressing the reasons why you binge. What I mean is that I don't believe in taking away something (like a binge) without adding something else in its place. Just a thought, and you may be doing this anyway, in which case I say, "WTG".

    Here's to a successful week ahead!

  14. I especially liked your comment "don't shoot for perfection." That says it all. All we can do is the best that we can. And we can not be perfect because we are, after all, human.

  15. Yeah! Preach it! Love it! I love a strong opinion about issues! As you know, I cannot stop telling everyone how I feel about subject and I LOVE it when others do!

    I doesn't matter that you didn't meet all of your goals last week, I think the significance of last week was the binge confessional and this accountability you are setting up for yourself by reviewing goals with yourself and with blogland.

    I was just watching something on eating disorders (every kind but binge eating of course) and one of the girls who was actually trying to recover kept talking about the fight. I have some reflections on that I am going to write about later. I did want to say to you that it is something we have to participate in every minute. Just because we accomplish something once (or twice) doesn't mean that we won't have to face it again. I know I will probably have to fact the food/anxiety reaction for the rest of my life.

    I really liked what you had to say today.

  16. I agree with Losing Waist. It was huge that you admitted your binge the way you did last week. This stuff can't continue when it is brought out into the light of day.

    Your attitude is fantastic and I appreciate the advice of giving yourself over to the process. I know that my success depends on me breaking very old habits and changing how I look at almost everything.

    I believe the best thing you can do for yourself is to try to post as much as you can so you don't have a chance to fall prey to old habits. By keeping focused on what you really want, the impulses won't have as much of a chance to get a foothold. I know it seems silly that the writing of a blog entry would help like that, but I'm finding that the process of doing it puts me into my "healthy" mindset and I tend to think more of healthy living verses my normal thinking. I hope I made sense...

    Either way, you're doing great. 8 pounds is amazing. I worked hard this week and am very happy about the 2 pounds that I lost. I figure every step has great meaning.

    I hope you have a great weekend!

  17. Keep up the great work and never, never give up! We have to realize that we are allowed to forgive ourselves and move on. I keep forgetting that. I am my own worst enemy. I dog myself when I do wrong, but now, recently, I have learned its okay to mess up as long as I don't "wallow" in it. As long as I get back up and get back on with eating right and exercising. Yeah, I get tired of the struggle, but its better than the alternative.

    Keep up the great work, man. You can do this!

  18. Wow....8 pounds! Way to go! It is great that you did what you could and were positive about it. Just keep setting goals and trying to reach them. Life changes are hard sometimes.

  19. More posts! More posts! Lets hear it!

  20. I have been away so I just wanted to congratulate you on another great loss!