My Goals for the last week are listed below, with comments on how I actually did in red:
1) Drink 6 liters of water daily - Didn't accomplish all 7 days, but did manage for 5.
2) Do at least 1/2 hour of cardio (the class, walks, aerobics at home, etc) at least 5 days - Didn't accomplish; only did cardio twice: once for 60 mins on Wednesday (best workout yet btw), and 45 mins on Thursday.
3) Work out with weights at home at least 2 times. - Didn't accomplish, but did do 30 wall push-ups twice.
4) Measure the cereal servings I'm putting in the big bowl I eat every morning - Didn't accomplish at all.
5) No Binges - Did not accomplish. Binged 4 times.
6) Write at least 4 posts on this blog - Did not accomplish, only wrote 2.
7) In the interest of continuing to increase awareness in all areas of my life, expand my list of goals for 2009 to include a variety of areas and subjects. And keep them in an area where I can review them frequently - Did not accomplish at all.
I did lose 8 pounds this week.
That feels good, not amazing, but damn good. It doesn't feel amazing because I know that the only reason that was possible is because I got so sick with food poisoning on Tuesday that it countered the 4 binge meals I'd eaten in the day previous.
However, it does feel good. I didn't eat anything too bad Fri, Sat, and until the late night binge, Sunday either. And I ate GREAT Wednesday and Thursday, had one of the best cardio workouts I've had in the last few years on Wednesday, and worked out well yesterday too.
Actually, I thought I might not weigh myself this week because I figured that with of the all binging and sickness, and honestly, the fact I had doused 2 1/2 huge bowls of salad in soy sauce last night, which, while low sodium, still ended up being SO much salt, and the fact that the only scale in the immediate area that can weigh me is at a retirement home 15 minutes across town, I thought meh, I'll do it next week. But, as I was getting ready this morning I started noticing that I felt and could almost see that I had lost a little weight, so I thought, what the hell, guess I'll do it.
Glad I did.
Okay, now, looking ahead. Below are my goals for the next week
1) Drink 6 liters of water daily.
2) Do at least 1/2 hour of cardio (the class, walks, aerobics at home, etc) at least 5 days.
3) Do at least 30 wall push-ups at least 5 days
4) Measure my morning cereal to be aware of how many servings I'm eating.
5) No binges
6) Write at least 4 posts on this blog
7) Create a new section or subsection on this blog for other broader goals for 2009.
8) Begin process of creating in a binder an organized catalogue of the therapeutic experiences, notes, quotes, hand-outs, stories, letters, etc, that I've collected in the last year
Well, what can I say, I feel amazingly good about being able to come back from the hellish spiral of binging. And it feels great to have done that through the healthy means of drawing on support, reading positive things, opening up honestly to others, participating in healthy guilt, giving myself grace, getting in touch with reality and with my goals in this process, and consciously making choices that have me now RIGHT back on track with momentum, motivation, awareness, and tenacity.
I am for some reason reminded of something a therapist said to me during an experience last spring: You will get out of this what you put in.
I love that. I know that in its broad application that concept is common knowledge, but like so many common knowledge/common sense things, so many obvious pearls of wisdom - just because we've heard them or agree with them doesn't mean we don't act in contrary ways to those principles sometimes, or even often.
You see people actively contradict that wisdom frequently: in the person who approaches a mental health professional with an attitude of: "You're so smart? We'll see. Figure me out then, tell me how I work", or in the person hiring a personal trainer: "I am so out of shape. I need you to make me lose weight", or even in a minority of the electorate right now: "Alright, go ahead...fix America. Fix it. Pay my mortgage."
You want some emotional healing? Give yourself over to the process. Be honest, be humble, be open, be introspective, think hard, give yourself time, be willing to really listen to other ideas and thoughts.
You want a great America? Love your family, support your friends, be kind to strangers, work hard and enjoy life, help the less fortunate, practice rigorous integrity.
You want to lose weight and become healthy? Recognize there may be more at the root of your issues than the fat - do something about that. Eat right - whatever you can do. Exercise - however much you can. Be good to yourself, give yourself grace and love, don't shoot for a perfect ideal, don't lose hope when you fail, pick yourself up and move on.
"You will get out of this what you put in" - a lesson I have spent most of my life knowing, but not actively trying to live by.
I am far from there still, as with most positive things I'm trying to incorporate in my life.
But now, more and more, I choose to keep trying to live by those words.
I am, every day, in very little ways, trying to put in to this process, these experiences, this life, what I want to get out.
Aaaaaaaaaaaand, on to the next...