I feel good
Life is improving. The comprehensive quality of my life is improving.
I'm progressing and it feels great.
The biggest shocker so far? I found an exercise routine I can do that I don't even have to spend hours motivating myself to do - I don't dislike it THAT MUCH.
Here's what I do:
At the end of my work day, somewhere generally between 5 and 6. I turn on something to watch and just start working out (primarily two different movements that I switch between throughout the duration: laterally stepping back and forth with various arm movements in repetition, and jogging in place with shadow boxing).
I do it for 40-50 minutes, throw in 30-40 wall push-ups, and drenched in sweat with sore muscles I call it a day
But here's the amazing part...I have to stop myself.
Again, because it's an astonishing thing on par with Bigfoot, and the Virgin Mary appearing in tortilla's in the southwest, let me repeat: I have to stop myself...from working out more. I COULD keep going for at least another 1/2 hour. At least.
It's amazing. The only other exercise that I have ever felt even remotely as agreeable to is walking around outside. Currently however, I am not really game for walking for two reasons: 1) it's icy off and on now and I have no interest in attempting to walk on that, slip, and break my ass, and 2) at almost 600 pounds I draw such large amounts of "drive-by attention" I might as well hire a band to play fat person tuba music behind me while I walk.
Anyway, I feel excellent and had to get that out. It's sure nice to remember that it's possible to be truly overcome with positive emotions after so long of either feeling nothing or being overcome with negative ones.
It's wild though. We know that it's making the healthy choices physically and emotionally that ultimately make us happy. We know the comfort that large amounts of unhealthy food and lounging about offer us is superficial, brief, and false. Yet, we so often forget that truth, or convince ourselves the lies ARE the truth.
I don't ever want to lose sight of those realities again.
So, one day at a time.
Tomorrow I plan to continue on and keep remembering that if I love myself and work hard on being healthy I KNOW that when it's over I will feel damn good.